The Galactic Marketing Alliance Chronicles: 2015 Update

By John Eberhard

It’s been about a year since we last heard news from the Galactic Marketing Alliance (GMA), from the intrepid marketer Nebula Fred, and the struggles of the marketers against the “too big to fail” government of Googlion, its President “Big Sibling,” and its Press Secretary Mattius Cuttsemoff.

In the last year, Nebula Fred discovered a long hidden tome showing hidden and secret passageways to get his message through the AdWordsial Gateway and reach Googlion citizens in a more affordable manner. Several of Fred’s customers started reaching more Googlion citizens and more customers started showing interest in Fred’s route through the AdWordsial Gateway. Fred even acquired an AdWordsial Gateway Certification in the last year. He was heard to ironically remark “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!”

Fred discovered some specific recently discovered routes through the AdWordsial Gateway, including the Remarketing Run, which caused GMA messages to follow Googlion citizens around, and the Videomatic Ad Run, which cost customers only 12 centimos per Light View.

Three lunar phases ago, Googlion decreed that all marketers had to refine their messages so that they would display correctly on hand-held astral communicator devices, or else their message would be blocked and they would be punished. Some Galactic Marketing Alliance members decried the heavy handed manner in which Googlion handled the matter, while GMA President Promoteus did admit that “Well, you know, with the marked growth in the use of these hand-held astral communicators, it probably is a good idea for everyone’s message to display correctly on them anyway.”

Meanwhile, Galactic Marketing Alliance philosophers and observers noted the continuing blight of anti-marketing particles that have infected this sector of the Internetium universe.

Several of the planets in the social Internetium sector saw the continued spread of anti-marketing particles.

Twitterium: The government of the Twitterium planet became completely infected with anti-Marketing particles in late 2012. That year they prosecuted a GMA member who had made it possible to communicate broadly to Twitterium citizens, and just two lunar phases ago, they shut down this member and put him in jail. Now that GMA member Twitterium Adder is incarcerated, other GMA members can no longer reach Twitterium citizens as easily, and must code their communications singly and by hand. The Twitterium government claimed that they were just trying to keep Twitterium as a “nice” place, but savvy observers could easily see signs of the infection of anti-marketing particles.

LinkedIno: The LinkedIno system offered excellent access to citizens of that solar system, up until this past year. What appeared at first to be a minor infection of anti-marketing particles has blossomed into a full-fledged epidemic, with the LinkedIno government canceling access for members who dared to send electronic messages to other citizens. We had thought they were somehow blocked from the anti-marketing particles by a nearby nebula, but it appears they have leaked in somehow.

Meanwhile, GMA members in the SEO sector have been successful in finding ways through the blocks put up by Googlion, and still have been able to find organic wormholes and travel them to reach Googlion citizens. Googlion Press secretary Mattius Cuttsemoff has been trying to convince people that the organic wormholes are all closed, and some in the SEO sector have bought into his deceptions. But Nebula Fred stated “You know, if you just look at what works, and not listen to what Cuttsemoff says, you can still navigate through the organic wormholes.”

Stay tuned for further news from the Galactic Marketing Alliance Chronicles.